Lost at Sea is the 6th track on Songs from a Sketchbook, Pt 1.
This collection of music came out of me being in a pretty dark place and wanting a different way to both process what I was feeling and release music more quickly.
I set a goal of writing, recording and releasing one song a week for 10 weeks and I often talk at shows about how I feel like Songs from a Sketchbook helped me write myself out of a depression. The first song is one of the saddest songs I’ve ever written but by the end of the 10th week I’m writing about feeling like a completely new human being full of hope. It is such a surreal project to reflect back on and I am so grateful that music, quite literally, saved my life at that time.
Lost at Sea is a reference to the small sailboat tattoo on my left arm you’ve probably seen me talk about before. I’ve mentioned that it has two meanings. The first is that it reminds me that we don’t have control over what’s happening around us, only how we react to it. This has been a powerful foundation for me during times of crisis and even helps me keep perspective throughout the day. The second meaning has to do with the fact that I got this tattoo at the height of what I’d call “marital cynicism”. Marriage just didn’t make sense to me. I didn’t think anyone existed I could respect, admire or love and even if they did, I didn’t believe I could ever be a good husband. However, I got the tattoo off center on my arm to allow space for a second sailboat as a way of saying, “If this person does exist, I want this perspective to be our perspective as a couple”.
A few weeks into Songs from a Sketchbook, Pt. 1, I reconnected with an old friend. We hadn’t talked in a couple years and she reached out to me about a dream she had about me. She’s always been someone I’ve considered brilliant and we started talking about what I was processing through the project lyrically. I was telling her about my frustrations with the church and marriage. We talked about theology and love and truth and she challenged me in ways that both frustrated and excited me.
We went on a first date after knowing each other for 8 years and I knew she was the reason my sailboat wasn’t centered. I wrote Lost at Sea about her a few days after our first date and one year and seven months later, we’re engaged.
My favorite lyric in this song is “Knew not the depth of life until you came along”.
It’s how I’ve always wanted to feel about the woman I marry and its truth is obvious now in every moment we spend together.